Round 2

22 Apr 2024 - 05 May 2024

Good morning, sports fans! With all games completed, it's time for the Round Two Roundup, which this week is brought to you by Bloodweiser, the Lich King of Beers. It's the crisp, refreshing taste that's guaranteed to wake you up when you need that extra push!

Let's start with a look at the Veteran division...

The Veteran division remains a tight race, with players showing what a little experience can do. The Buffalo Biles held on to the top spot with a brutal display against the Talabecland Thunder. An extremely bold play by one of the Thunder's star blitzers kept the Biles from scoring in the first half, but with only nine players left capable of lining up for the second half they were always going to struggle, especially when the ogre got distracted making dot-to-dot patterns in the boils of the bloaters. The Nurgle team pushed forward hard, aided by a Thunder bodyguard who succumbed to the plague, and scored twice from defence.

Elsewhere, Waldhof Middenheim may have been nervous to face the Badlandz Bruisaz with all of their blitzers on mandatory bed rest, but they didn't show any of those nerves on the pitch. With little to lose they hit the orcs harder than expected, killing a blocker and seriously injuring a blitzer, while Colenbrander hurled the ball the length of the pitch to leave the greenskinz scratching their heads.

The Pink Panthers and Huanchi's Jungle Rumble proved more evenly matched with casualties on both sides, but the ladies just had the edge, winning 2 - 1 and leaving the Rumble still hunting for that first league point.

In the next round, all eyes will be on Middenheim as they get their hands very, very dirty facing the Biles in a local derby. A win would see them leap ahead, but how will they adapt when their usual flashy passing style is hampered by the eye-watering stink clouds that surround their opponents? The Rumble will be looking to take advantage of the Thunder's current broken state, while the Bruisaz try to re-assert their reputation for violence against the Panthers.

Kicking off the round in the Rookie division, the White Mice made their long-awaited first appearance on the astrogranite after some delays getting their paperwork in order, and made up for missing their first match by scoring enough touchdowns for three matches by any other team. Already in motion before the kick had landed half the time, the runners proved they learned to fight in the gutters as well and cleared any hint of opposition from the Nobs off the pitch and into the hospital.

A predictable brutal clash between Chainsaw Buffet and the Sokol Slaughterers saw players from both sides going home in an effing hearse right from the first kick-off. The goblins brought their best shenanigans, from ball-carrying trolls to flying gobbos, but it was the Slaughterers that ultimately emerged bloodied and victorious.

The Bright Jugglers keep hold of the top spot with a victory over the Zharr-Naggrund Prophets, but they paid for their points in blood with a series of nasty injuries. Kry Havoc also learned that the Blood God doesn't care where the blood comes from as long as it keeps flowing, having little answer to the Badlands Da'Baytin Sossayetty's intellectual arguments made with their boots. And Grave Danger continue to confuse and astound, holding the Dark Delvers to a draw. Rumours that the zombie team are part of an elaborate match-fixing conspiracy run by the Cosa Nosferatu appear unfounded, according to a source wearing a thick scarf around his neck despite the warm weather.

Closing out the round, it was Norse on Norse action with I Balabiòtt taking on the Jorvik Vikings. The Vikings learned an important lesson in Round 1 about not drinking right before a game, and so this time they made sure to open a keg or seven to ward off the shakes and get themselves ready to play. The crisp, refreshing taste of Bloodweiser worked its magic and carried the Vikings to a dominant performance that leaves them just outside the top three.

Round 3 shows there is rest for the wicked as the Sokol Slaughterers take time off to recover from their match with a marathon Sex and the City rewatch, while the Immortulz Old Boyz return from their spa trip refreshed and ready for action, taking on I Balabiòtt in a bottom-of-the-table clash as both teams vie for a first win. At the top of the table, the remains of the Bright Jugglers take on what's left of Kry Havoc, and it's Day of the Dead as the Grave Rubbers face the zombies of Grave Danger.

Round 3 matches are now open for scheduling, and the round runs until 19th May. Plenty of time to enjoy the crisp, refreshing taste of Bloodweiser this weekend!