Round 2

14 Apr 2025 - 27 Apr 2025

Round Two ran a little late getting all the results ratified, but now the dust has settled here we are with the Roundup!

Division 1 commenced with a rematch between Sanguine Blade and the Badlands Debating Society. When these two met at the end of last season the result was tied on touchdowns but extremely one-sided on casualties, with broken elves littered across the pitch. This time around the elves proved more resilient, despite the orcs' best efforts. Perhaps the Society were disheartened by their star blitzer being turned into a frog early in the game and swiftly dispatched by a wardancer. But despite the lack of blood, the orcs managed to keep hold of the ball long enough to score in the first half, and kept the elves at bay well enough that only a single equaliser was scored in return. A second tie for these two teams keeps them closely balanced.

Fans of bloodshed won't have been disappointed with the match between the Blåhaj Blasts and the Grave Rubbers, with both teams proving absolutely brutal in pursuit of victory. The Rubbers' particular talents allowed them to shake off a certain amount of injury, but it couldn't help those who were knocked unconscious. Still, with the Blasts' numbers dwindling their efforts to threaten the ball proved ineffective and the Rubbers took a very convincing 2-0 win.

Last up, top-of-the-table Talabecland Thunder took on Bushy's Bonerattlers on a day that seemed promising, only for the heavens to open just as the teams were lining up to play. The Thunder put the pressure on early, hitting hard and forcing the Bonerattlers to score quickly rather than risk losing the ball. A rapid response from the Thunder leveled the score soon after, and a bold play almost gave them the lead before the teams broke for half time. In the second half, the continuing wet weather led to moles churning up the pitch in search of drier ground, and the Bonerattlers seemed to have forgotten how to block the opposition without falling over themselves. When the Thunder took the lead it seemed like it was all over, but Nuffle is a fickle god and the Bonerattlers weren't going to give up their unbeaten record easily. They managed to wrestle the ball across the line at the last moment, aided by a failed dodge from the Thunder thrower that destroyed his career with a very bad landing.

The Thunder keep the top spot by a single point, with the Rubbers jumping up to second as the only other team to have recorded a victory this season. The table remains tight and a change of fortunes could see anyone surge forward to claim the title before the end. Next to challenge the Thunder are the Sanguine Blade, while the Grave Rubbers host the Badlands Debating Society and Bushy's Bonerattlers face the Blåhaj Blasts.

Division 2 started with an undead face-off as the Hammer Horrors played host to the Nevermore Ravens. The Ravens were bolstered by the crisp, clean taste of Bloodweiser to help give their players an extra boost getting back into play, and that proved vital throughout a hard-fought match. The Hammers pushed their way to lead in the first half and managed to hold off the Ravens as they attempted to respond. With the numbers tipping in their favour thanks to the cool, crisp flavours in every sip of Bloodweiser, the Ravens opted to score fast in the second half, spying an opportunity to play for the win. And win they did as the Horrors fell to pieces, tripping over their own feet at crucial moments and losing a ghoul to a fierce tackle from a thrall.

The Renegade Masters then lined up against the Saratcens in a dirty match that saw both teams take advantage of the referee's apparent distraction. The first half saw a Saratcen gutter runner carried off after a spiked boot to the groin, but the team held it together to seize the lead. A second touchdown came swiftly in the second half, and the rats further demonstrated the power of teamwork by coming together to shatter the Renegade minotaur's ankle while the team apothecary was busy tending to a goblin with a broken fingernail. The Renegade Masters claimed a late touchdown but it will be small compensation for their fans overall.

Finally, the Mandalorcians were on the hunt for their first points of the season as they took on Durakdur Queensguard and their celebrity guest, Karla Von Kill. The dwarves came out with their death roller, but despite bringing a fat bag of cash for the referee he apparently found a rare sense of morality and sent the machine off almost immediately. That set the tone for the rest of the match as the orcs proceeded to dismantle their opposition, taking every opportunity to push dwarves into the crowd, sticking the boot in wherever possible, and leaving the Queensguard 1-0 down with only 7 players by half time. The massacre eased off in the second half, but with no one left to fight the dwarves were powerless to stop the Mandalorcians scoring twice more for an extremely brutal 3-0 shutout.

The Saratcens hold the top with their second straight victory, while the Ravens jump up to second to stay on their tails with the Mandalorcians close behind in third. Next round sees the Saratcens facing what remains of the Queensguard, the Ravens jostling for position with the Mandalorcians and the Renegade Masters and the Hammer Horrors taking each other on in the quest for a first victory.

Disappointment in Division 3 as only one match made it to the astrogranite. First, the Forked Tongue and the Cordelian Dolphins failed to agree a time for their match, leading to the game being forfeit. The lizards, of course, prefer to play when the sun is high and their blood is flowing, whereas the elves simply cannot be seen to sweat and favour a cooler evening engagement. Neither side was willing to budge sufficiently to appease the other, and so the result was resolved as a draw.

Transportation issues hit the game between Goblopolis and the Erebor Giants. Both teams apparently had the same idea to sabotage the opposition wagons bringing the players to the stadium, leaving both sides having to run their little legs off to make it to the match. By the time anyone arrived they were all far too out of breath to actually consider playing, and the game had to be resolved as a draw.

For actual sporting action, we turn to the Slippery S.O.B.s and their game against the Blitzen Bozos. Against other elves last round, the S.O.B.s proved quite tough, but against real opposition here the vulnerabilities were exposed. The dwarves removed no fewer than six of their opponents across the game, three extremely permanently. The loss of the only wardancer on the team was a particularly harsh blow that will make the rest of the season much harder. The elves did manage a single touchdown, but their rapidly dwindling defence left the dwarves free to score two in response.

With two wins the Blitzen Bozos are looking pretty secure at the top of the table so far. They face the Forked Tongues in the next round, while the Cordelian Dolphins host the Erebor Giants and Goblopolis face the remains of the Slippery S.O.B.s.

Division 4 saw the first appearance of the dry bones of the Sokol Scorpions, lining up against the wetter bones of Romero's Regenerates. Both sides proved resistant to injury, with a Regenerate mummy in particular shaking off the effects of a particularly nasty stamping behind the ref's back. Sadly their ghouls lack the same resilience and one saw his career brought to a crushing end in the second half. But bloodshed doesn't win games, and it was the Regenerates that carried the ball over the line on the first half for the only touchdown of the game. On a better day they might have made it 2-0, but the Scorpions managed to bring down their attempt at the last.

Next up, the Gnawthorn Vermin took on the Tinseltown Terrors in a one-sided display for the fans. Normally a skaven team might expect to take a few knocks from the undead, but here it was the rats dishing out the pain, even if none of it was anything the Terrors couldn't recover from. Meanwhile they were also demonstrating the speed that skaven are more renowned for, scoring twice for a decisive win.

Finally, the Acomb Ankle Biters found their way onto the pitch to play the Vvardenfell Harpies. The game started as might be expected, with halflings flattened by the dark elves in their single-minded pursuit of victory at all costs. But after taking the lead the Harpies apparently allowed themselves to relax, while the Ankle Biters received a powerful pep talk that brought them back out with fire in their little round bellies. The trees started laying into the elves with more force and the halflings kicked what they could reach, and once enough elves had been removed a halfling catcher ambled across the line for an equaliser.

That puts Romero's Regenerates three points clear at the top, while the Scorpions languish at the bottom on a technicality. Next round sees the Regenerates aiming to widen their lead further with a game against the Ankle Biters, while the Harpies take on the Vermin and the Scorpions hope for better luck with another undead face-off against the Terrors.

Round Three runs until 11th May and takes us through the halfway point of the season. These games could prove crucial for anyone with dreams of taking a division title, or just hoping to avoid the dreaded relegation spots!