Round 3

21 Jul 2025 - 03 Aug 2025

The summer holidays are upon us, and that means rounds take a little bit longer to finish and report on. But here we are at long last with the Round Three Roundup!

The Felwithen Furies kicked off the action in Division 1 with their match against Romero's Regenerates. The first half was high on sunshine but low on action, with the undead failing to make much impression on the elf armour. An unlucky trip took out a lineman, but nothing could stop the Furies from scoring shortly before halftime. That goal spurred a reaction from the Regenerates, who killed a lineman and raised him for their own reserves. The sun receded a little in the second half and the Regenerates opted for the classic slow shamble down the pitch, carrying the ball for a late equaliser. The draw seemed secure until a mistimed kick gifted the Furies possession with just enough time to streak down the pitch and steal the game.

For sheer showboating action, though, we must look to the game between the Saratcens and the Nevermore Ravens. The Ravens came out hard, removing two rats and taking the lead almost before the starting whistle had finished blowing. The Saratcens responded equally quickly, and the pattern for the match was set. With cheers resounding from the fans on both sides, it was touchdown after touchdown and by halftime the score was 3-3, with the skaven having lost four players to the vampires' two but pulling off an extremely bold play at the last moment to keep the score level. The pace eased off a little in the second half as the rats played more cautiously in an attempt to preserve their remaining players. The vamps forced them to score by the middle of the half, then removed a couple more players and ran in another swift equaliser. The Saratcens were extremely low on numbers, but all they need on the pitch is a single gutter runner to still be a threat, and so it proved. One final touchdown gave them the game with an unprecedented 5-4 final score, but with so many players sacrificed in pursuit of victory they may struggle in their next match.

The Blitzen Bozos were due to play the Cordelian Dolphins but it seems both teams were so distracted by the shenanigans elsewhere in the league that neither team made it to the astrogranite for their game. The dwarves, still suffering the effects of their last game, were busy trying to count high enough to understand the score, while the elves realised they still have to play the Ravens later in the season and might need to reinforce their armour before then.

The Furies are starting to open up a lead at the top of the table, while the lower spots remain extremely tight. Next round sees the Regenerates hoping to prove more sturdy than the Ravens' last opposition, the Furies fight the Bozos at the top of the table, and the few intact Saratcens take on the Dolphins.

In Division 2, only one game actually made it to the pitch. The Forked Tongues were energised by the brilliant sunshine, but they faced the terrifying might of the Blåhaj Blasts. The devotees of Khorne were all teeth and claws, coming straight out with violence and carving through the thick scales of the lizards. That let them take the lead midway through the first half, but the Tongues flicked out in response and ran a skink straight through with an immediate equaliser. They made it 2-1 before half time, but at the cost of another saurus. In the second half the kroxigor aimed to even up the numbers, but was soon removed by the bloodspawn. Still, they managed to score a third despite their dwindling numbers, and though the Blasts pulled one back before the end the win went to the extremely bloodied but unbowed Tongues.

The Tinseltown Terrors were due to face the Sokol Serpents, but after a hard match last round they had scheduled some time to return to the grave and recuperate in the cold and dark. Unfortunately, the Serpents had also arranged some time away to bask on a sunny rock somewhere, and the teams simply couldn't find a point in their schedules where they were both available. The match was resolved as a draw and the Terrors will enjoy having had a chance to recover from their injuries.

Similarly, the match between the Gnawthorn Vermin and the Talabecland Thunder was hampered by scheduling troubles. The Thunder only had a small window in between other commitments, and unfortunately it coincided with the Vermin needing to wash and blow-dry their fur, an extremely time-consuming prospect. With no chance to get together, the match had to be resolved as another draw.

The Forked Tongues victory has seen them shoot up the table, equal on points now with top-placed Sokol Serpents, while the Blasts remain close behind. Next round sees the Serpents and the Tongues fighting each other for the title of Best Lizards, while the Thunder enter the mincer of the Blasts and the Vermin take on the Terrors in a bottom-of-the-table clash.

Division 3 opened with the greenskinz of Orc City hosting the nobles of Green-Orange Golds. The Golds brought Rumbelow Sheepskin for a little extra oomph, and took a leaf out of his playbook to race to an early lead. City had the edge in violence, though the only permanent injury was to the spare player the Golds had brought along to make up the numbers. The nobs proved plenty sturdy in defence, holding off the orcs in both halves with ease and scoring a second touchdown in the dying moments to seal the win.

Da Bushwakkaz have had a rough start to the season, but the battered remains of the team nevertheless lined up to take on Norsey But Nice. With their regular numbers depleted this was always going to be a tough match, but their bravery and resilience were on full display as they held the Norse off for most of the match and only conceded a single touchdown. Fans could be seen celebrating the completion of a full game with no deaths, but the orc thrower is out for the next match after a late tackle crunched him rather hard.

Next up, the Knickerbocker Glory Slobbernockers faced the Midnight Massives on a gloriously sunny day. The trolls and pump wagons were in fine form, though the Massives managed to shake off some blocks that would have crippled less regenerative players. The horrors scored early, but with their numbers dwindling throughout the rest of the game turned into a desperate defence, doing everything they could to prevent the snots from finding an equaliser.

The final game of the division, between the Burning Sensations and the Anfield Anarchists, was yet another failed fixture in a round packed with them. It was the orcs who failed to show up, having lost track of time binging the latest season of one of their favourite shows, and the win was awarded to the Anarchists by default.

Norsey But Nice hold the top as the only unbeaten team in the division. The lower ranks are much closer, with just three points separating 5th from 8th. Next round sees another greenskin face-off as the Burning Sensations meet Da Bushwakkaz, Norsey But Nice look to cement the title with a game against the Midnight Massives, the Anfield Anarchists host the Green-Orange Golds and it's a scrap at the bottom for Orc City and the Knickerbocker Glory Slobbernockers.

To Division 4 then, and the Aloha Rippers opened proceedings by playing host to Block, Glock 'n' Roll. The renegades struggled to make much impact against the speed and agility of the elves, who managed to avoid most of the violence associated with chaos teams and run two touchdowns in without reply.

The Cold Blooded Cannoneers paid a visit to the Naggarond Blitzers, and they had no such difficulties taking on the dark elves. An extremely one-sided match saw the sauruses smashing the opposition off the pitch while the skinks skipped merrily by to score touchdown after touchdown, ending the game with an undisputable 4-0 win.

Better news for dark elf fans as the Moriquendi Krakens took on the Scunbag Gitz. The Krakens' armour proved much more resilient, leaving the Gitz struggling to make an impact. Even without casualties the orcs still put up a solid performance, only conceding a single touchdown in the final seconds.

Last but not least, Chainsaw Buffet brought their special brand of chaos, and H'thark the Unstoppable, to the Gornagechu Suckers. The first half saw a number of goblins removed by the vamps, but it was Buffet that took the lead just before half time. In the second half the referee had evidently found his spectacles and started sending goblins off for doing what goblins do, allowing the Suckers to score two swift touchdowns that looked like they should take the match. All was not lost for the goblins, however, as H'thark caught the final kick and powered his way down the pitch with vampires hanging from his hooves, grabbing a point at the last.

The Krakens hold the top spot but the Cannoneers remain hot on their heels. It's more elves next round for the Cannoneers as they face the Aloha Rippers, while the Naggarond Blitzers square up to the Gornagechu Suckers, Block, Glock 'n' Roll have the Scunbag Gitz and the Moriquendi Krakens take on the Chainsaw Buffet.

That's all the action from Round Three, and Round Four is already well underway. It runs until 17th August, so there's still time to get your matches in if you're not on your holidays!