Round 4

12 May 2025 - 25 May 2025

It's official. With one round still to go, the first of our divisional titles have already been awarded. Let's take a look with the Round Four Roundup!

In Division 1, Sanguine Blade's push for the top meant facing the Blåhaj Blasts. One look at the massed rows of teeth and claws, however, and the elves suddenly remembered they'd forgotten to check if they'd turned the gas off back home in the forest. They made a swift exit, calling apologies over their shoulders and leaving the Blasts standing dumbfounded on the touchline.

It was a match of the living dead as the Grave Rubbers and Bushy's Bonerattlers took each other on, with both teams looking for a win to power their title hopes. It was a game filled with violence on both sides, but the Rubbers took the worst of it as two of their best players took career-ending blocks. Raise a glass then, and say farewell to Kessler the werewolf and Mr Crowley the ghoul, gone but not forgotten. Rumours that the Sanguine Blade were seen delivering a cartload of gold to the Bonerattlers prior to the match are entirely unfounded, but they will certainly benefit from both the reduction in the Rubbers' roster and the 1-1 scoreline.

Next up, the Badlands Debating Society took on the Talabecland Thunder. The orcs hit hard in the first half but failed to do more than knock their opponents out, and the Thunder were well-supported by the crisp, clean taste of Bloodweiser to bring themselves back to match fitness. Despite that, the Society took the lead just before half-time. The replenished Thunder equalised swiftly, unwilling to settle for a draw, but it seemed that the Society had remembered to take the pillows out of their gloves and they killed a lineman and ended the season for a catcher before claiming the win with a late touchdown.

Sanguine Blade were eventually persuaded that the risk of facing Khorne's disciples was worth taking for a shot at the title, and they begrudgingly returned to the stadium. The elves may have been regretting their preference for lighter armour even before the match started as a howling blizzard covered the pitch, but Nuffle cares not for the weather and the match kicked off regardless. It was the Blasts who took the initiative, powering down the pitch on their drive for an early touchdown. That of course left plenty of time for the Blade to respond, and by half time the scores were level with the elves having a slight edge in violence. The second half saw the Blasts remembering the need for blood for their god, and though the Blade took a second touchdown for the win it came at the cost of a wardancer, something that will surely be felt going into the final round.

So the title race remains tight, with just three points separating first place from fourth. In the final round all eyes will be on the Sanguine Blade and the Grave Rubbers, with both teams diminished but guaranteed the title if they win. Hot on their heels, Bushy's Bonerattlers take on the Badlands Debating Society as both teams hope to steal a higher spot. And down at the bottom, the Talabecland Thunder face the Blåhaj Blasts to avoid the wooden spoon.

Division 2 started with a match between the Mandalorcians and the Renegade Masters. The orcs stuck to their tried-and-tested tactic of getting players on the floor and having Gobbo Fett stick the boot in while the ref looked the other way, but despite being applied with much enthusiasm the goblin's spikes failed to make much of an impact on anyone. In the end he gave up on fouling in favour of taking the ball over the line just before the whistle. It was the Renegade Masters who had the better of the fighting, coming close to killing the Mandalorcian troll and removing two other players for the remainder of the match, but they couldn't get the better of the ball and the orcs scored a second time to seal a definitive win.

Durakdur Queensguard then took on the Nevermore Ravens, and though the vampires took the initiative with a swift removal of a dwarf the Queensguard fought back hard. The dwarves couldn't do much permanent damage but they proved extremely adept at knocking their opponents unconscious, fighting a war of attrition that kept the Ravens from scoring and almost got them a goal from defence. Some extremely persuasive talking from the Queensguard coach kept the death roller on the pitch for the second half, but the sheer unfairness of it enraged the vamps and the vargheist very quickly carved a hole through the water tank that will prove costly to repair. More casualties followed, but the Queensguard tactic of surrounding the ball with a literal wall of players kept the vampires from stealing it even as it proved too slow to get them to the endzone. The game ended in a goalless draw despite being a nailbiter for fans on both sides.

There was some confusion over the start time of the match between the Saratcens and the Hammer Horrors. The skaven move so fast they had come and gone before the zombies from the Horrors had even started shambling towards the stadium, and it took some time to round both teams up and get them in the same place at the same time. Once the game kicked off the skaven moved quickly again, with their blitzer notching up two quick casualties, though nothing the Horrors couldn't recover from. The Horrors responded by snapping two of the Saratcens' gutter runners, while their ghoul ran in a touchdown to take the lead. Even one gutter runner is enough, though, and the rats equalised before deciding to work on their fouling statistics and not worry too much about the ball, taking their first draw of their very strong season.

The Saratcens sit three points clear at the top, with only the Mandalorcians having any chance of reaching them. But with the rats having already seen off the greenskinz earlier in the season, the title will go to the Saratcens regardless. The relegation spots are most likely also settled, although a hard loss for the Horrors in the last round could still tip them down. They face the Mandalorcians, while the Saratcens take on the Nevermore Ravens and there's a scrap at the bottom for the Renegade Masters and the Durakdur Queensguard.

In Division 3, the Cordelian Dolphins hoped to imitate their namesakes as they took on the Blitzen Bozos in the pouring rain. A beautiful pass saw the elves take an early lead, but despite the weather the dwarves proved more than capable of handling a slippery ball and scored twice for the victory. The elves will no doubt be glad to have escaped with their players intact as the Bozos failed to cause any lasting damage.

Next up, it was elf vs dwarf take two as the Slippery S.O.B.s visited the Erebor Giants. Both teams had been forced to bring in outside help to cover for previous losses, though the dwarves only needed one extra to the elves' four. The elves continued to prove breakable but they also did some breaking, with the tree in particular helping to whittle down the opposition. A touchdown apiece meant the game ended in a draw.

Lastly, the Forked Tongues took on Goblopolis and the goblins played the only way they know how - dirty. Several of their players were sent off during the course of the match as they did things even the blindest of referees couldn't help seeing, but the lizards proved extremely breakable with even a couple of sauruses being removed from play. With barely anyone left on the pitch, there was no way for the Forked Tongues to prevent the goblins from scoring twice for an extremely one-sided victory.

With four wins out of four, the Blitzen Bozos are uncatchable at the top and claim the division title and the promise of promotion should they wish it. Things are much tighter at the bottom, with the Forked Tongues in sixth place only two points behind the Cordelian Dolphins in third. The last round sees the Blitzen Bozos finally take on a team their own size as they host the Erebor Giants, while the remnants of the Slippery S.O.B.s take on what's left of the Forked Tongues and the Cordelian Dolphins battle Goblopolis.

Division 4 lacked a full complement of games this round as the Sokol Scorpions were unable to make it to the astrogranite after encountering a cat en route. Naturally, the whole team had to stop to pay obeisance to the dignified godhood of Mr Fluffy Whiskers, leaving the VVardenfell Harpies standing around the stadium wondering where their opposition had got to. The win was awarded to the dark elves by default, but at least the Scorpions got a few good belly rubs and head scritches for their time.

To real action, then, and an undead mirror match between Romero's Regenerates and the Tinseltown Terrors. It was very much the Regenerates that had the upper hand overall, thanks in part to their successful removal of one of the Terrors' mummies early in the second half. They scored two easy touchdowns to seal the win, then amused themselves having zombies commit obvious fouls and get themselves sent off for fun.

Lastly for this round, the Acomb Ankle Biters brought Karla von Kill and all the support Nuffle could grant them to their game against the Gnawthorn Vermin. An exciting one for the fans, it seems, as by half time both teams had scored and the rats were down four players to the halflings' two. The violence continued in the second half as the little guys removed another two skaven, but despite waiting as long as possible to score a second time and hope to win their short legs were no match for gutter runner speed and the Vermin squeaked an equaliser before the whistle.

Romero's Regenerates sit three points clear at the top of the table, but with their final match against the second-placed Vvardenfell Harpies that could all change at the last minute. The other four teams are a tightly-bunched pack so these round five games could prove crucial in determining who keeps some dignity and who ends up absolute rock bottom. To that end, the Tinseltown Terrors will try to keep their feet out of the way of the Acomb Ankle Biters, while the Gnawthorn Vermin hope the Sokol Scorpions don't bring Mr Fluffy Whiskers along for the game.

Two titles may have been awarded but there's still plenty to play for in these final games. Round Five runs until 8th June, so it's time to play hard and go for the glory!