Round 5

25 Nov 2024 - 08 Dec 2024

Season Seven is done and dusted, so it's time for one last roundup. Let's take a look at where everyone ended up...

It was all to play for in Division 1, with any of the 4 teams facing off in the final round having a chance of sneaking the trophy. The Badlands Debating Society and the Grave Rubbers opted for a melee, trading casualties in the first half with very little attention paid to the ball. The second half was a quieter affair, but a late play from a ghoul saw a touchdown for the Rubbers with no time for the orcs to equalise.

The Dark Delvers talked a good game before their match against the Sokol Slaughterers, but they found themselves hopelessly outmatched as the Slaughterers lived up to their name. Elves were removed from the pitch with a brutal efficiency, and beastmen skipped through the increasingly tattered defences to score three touchdowns unanswered.

So the Slaughterers claim the title in emphatic fashion, and the Grave Rubbers and the Badlands Debating Society finish tied on points, with the Rubbers' head-to-head victory giving them the edge and the second place spot. At the other end, the beleaguered lizards of Huanchi's Jungle Rumble face relegation from the top division after only netting a single point all season.

The top spots were already decided in Division 2, but that didn't stop Sanguine Blade from pushing for the clean sweep. The weather was punishingly hot as they lined up against the Acomb Transfusions, and between the brutal conditions and both teams being light on armour there were at one point only four players on each side still on the pitch. The game was light on permanent injury, however, and the 2-1 scoreline ensured the elves remain unbeaten all season.

The Nevermore Ravens were hoping for a victory against the Sauerapfel Sausage Rollers to stay up, and early on their chances seemed promising. The vampires proved more resistant than some to the delicious smells from the halfling kitchen, and an early swipe from the vargheist saw a treeman removed from the pitch for the game. More casualties followed but halflings are nothing if not determined and they threw themselves into the vampires' path at every turn to hold them to a 1-1 draw.

So with the Blåhaj Blasts feeling the call of the sea and ditching their game against the Cripple Peak Craprats to go surfing, the season ends with the elves and the skaven in the top two spots and looking at promotion, while the Ravens and the Transfusions will be hoping the lower division is more their speed next season.

To Division 3, then, and a fierce battle to steal the crown at the last from the Kroppenbruck Crusaders. The Hammer Horrors were up first, taking on the green wave of Blaa Korks. In an extraordinary display, the Horrors killed two black orcs, took infamous captain Grak off the pitch and scored three touchdowns, while the Korks failed to make any impression at all. Scuttlebutt (a snotling that hangs around near the stadium) says that Grak will be taking his talents to a team with better prospects next season after a dispute with the Korks' money men.

Next up with their eyes on the prize, the Talabecland Thunder faced the Nuln Oilers in a slightly more civilised match. The game started in bright sunshine but quickly settled into something more pleasant, allowing the throwers on both sides to dazzle with spectacular passes. The Thunder lost their ogre early but remained undaunted, scoring twice to sneak above the Horrors in the table.

Everything therefore rested on the final game between the Kroppenbruck Crusaders and the snotlings of Minor Threat. In theory an easy victory for the humans, but the snots are never predictable. The Crusaders showed an unfortunate tendency to stand too close to the trolls, with inevitable consequences, and with fewer players than they would have liked they were forced to scramble in both halves to salvage an equaliser in the last moments before the whistle. A 2-2 draw was on nobody's cards before the game, and it left the Crusaders struggling in third at the last.

So the Thunder and the Horrors take the coveted promotion spots, while the Oilers and Minor Threat follow the downward path to the bottom division.

Division 4 may be the bottom of the league, but far from the bottom in our estimations. Bushy's Bonerattlers already had the title sewn up, and Rottenham Hotfur opted not to face another mauling, conceding their game against the Orksha Rippaz, but there was still some action as the Boomtown Rats took on the Mandalorcians. The orcs showed surprising restraint, with an early clearance of a linerat the only casualty for the game, but despite their gentleness the skaven were unable to make much of an impression on the game. A 3-0 scoreline is perhaps not unusual for rats vs orcs, but when the score belongs to the greenskinz a few eyebrows are certain to be raised.

Despite their victory the Mandalorcians remain in third, one point behind the Orksha Rippaz who win promotion alongside the Bonerattlers. The two skaven teams hold the bottom, grateful not to have anywhere further down to sink to.

And with that the season ends and the Slaughterers raise the league trophy high and drink the blood of their many sacrifices from its shiny cup. We'll be back in the new year to see who's going ahead with Season Eight!