Round 7

01 Jul 2024 - 14 Jul 2024

Round Seven is complete, and with only a few matches left in the season this month's Spike Magazine includes a roundup of all the hottest teams still in contention for the coveted top spots in the division. Pick up a copy to find in-depth analysis, interviews with the coaches and glamour shots of your favourite players. Don't worry, the pages with pics of the Buffalo Biles have been sealed to protect those with weaker constitutions!

Before we look at the Round Seven results, a quick look at the delayed Round Six fixture between Grave Danger and I Balabiòtt. The zombies found some spare legs to replace their unexpected losses and were judged capable of shambling onto the pitch at last. One of those legs proved keen on sticking the boot in wherever possible, but it was ultimately a relatively sedate match ending in a 1-1 draw.

To Round Seven, then, and I Balabiòtt jumped straight into their match against the White Mice. They were down a couple of players after facing the zombies, but they wasted no time in evening up the numbers, thanks in part to some expert assistance from Deeproot Strongbranch. Sadly for their fans, though, only one of those removals was a gutter runner and the Skaven can never be counted out as long as they have a gutter runner on the pitch. The White Mice took the game 4-1 to claim the top spot in the division while the Bright Jugglers' backs were turned.

Grave Danger went on to face the Sokol Slaughterers, who failed to live up to their name on this occasion. They barely made a dent in the zombies but saw a number of their players carried off the pitch. Grave Danger pulled in some star power to help with the trickier things like actually picking up the ball, and claimed a 2-1 victory.

There was more blood and guts in the match between Chainsaw Buffet and the Jorvik Vikings. Everyone's favourite little gobbo, Grak, was taken out early doors, and that trophy seems to have spurred the Norse into a berserk frenzy. Three more went the same way as Grak before the middle of the first half, one with a career-ending injury that left him unable to lift his chainsaw, and another four were removed before the end of the game. The gobs nevertheless proved that you should never count them out as they managed to score twice against all odds, but it wasn't enough and the Vikings won it 3-2.

Elsewhere, it was 1-1 for both Kry Havoc against the Dark Delvers, and for the Zharr-Naggrund Prophets against the Grave Rubbers. The Prophets in particular fought hard but found there's only so much you can do when your opponents keep standing back up and putting themselves back together. And it was mixed results for Orc fans as the Badlands Da'Baytin Sossayetty beat the Yorkshire Nobs 1-0, but the Immortulz Ol Boyz lost 3-1 to the Stink 11s, another victim of Skaven agility.

Next up, the Bright Jugglers return from their break and look to reclaim the top spot as they face the Immortulz Ol Boyz, while the Grave Rubbers take some time out to let the werewolves handle that time of the month. In the battle for the top of the division, the White Mice take on Grave Danger and the Badlands Da'Baytin Sossayetty face Chainsaw Buffet. At the other end, I Balabiòtt meet the Dark Delvers, and there are mid-table clashes between the Yorkshire Nobs and the Sokol Slaughterers, the Jorvik Vikings and Kry Havoc, and the Zharr-Naggrund Prophets and the Stink 11s.

In the Veterans Division, an unseasonal cold snap left Huanchi's Jungle Rumble scurrying for warmer climes, having earlier taken down their state-of-the-art stadium heating for maintenance. That left them unable to show for their match against the Pink Panthers, and the ladies were awarded the win by default.

The Badlandz Bruisaz faced Waldhof Middenheim for the second time this season, hoping for a better result than last time. In their first clash it was Middenheim that won the day, thanks to the showy antics of thrower Colenbrander and some muscle from the ogre. That ogre and his replacement are both now six feet under, so while Colenbrander continued to dazzle the Bruisaz made full use of their strength advantage. Middenheim lost two players to nasty injuries, including star catcher Tiny de Kort, who may need more than a week off to fully recover, and the Bruisaz romped to a 3-0 victory.

Finally, the match between the Talabecland Thunder and the Buffalo Biles was briefly postponed after the Thunder coach received an unexpected invitation to teach a seminar on smack talk to a group of eager schoolchildren, but the teams were able to line up after only a short delay. The Biles won the toss and employed their customary first-half strategy of slowly walking the ball down the pitch to score just before the break. The Thunder fought back hard despite rising temperatures in the second half, with their ogre managing to take a bloater off the pitch, but pressure from the Biles forced them to score early, leaving plenty of time for star Pestigor Hingle McCringleberry to snatch the lead before the final whistle and keep the Biles secure at the top of the table.

Round Eight sees the Pink Panthers take on the Badlandz Bruisaz in a battle for the second place spot and to keep the pressure on the Biles. The Biles face Waldhof Middenheim with no room for complacency just yet, and the Thunder wait to see if the Rumble have warmed up enough to take to the field again.

Round Eight runs until 28th July. The commemorative issue of Spike Magazine is on sale now in all good newsagents (and a few bad ones too), so pick up your copy today and start getting hyped for the final run to victory!