Round 9

29 Jul 2024 - 11 Aug 2024

The season is drawing towards its end, and so the Round Nine Roundup is brought to you by the end of line sale on steam-powered vehicles from Alfa Gnomeo. The new models will be arriving next month, so now is the perfect opportunity to snag a great deal on the current ones, or start getting excited to blow your savings on an up-to-the-minute shiny new toy the moment it arrives! Let's start with a look at the newer models currently fighting in the Rookie Division...

The round for the Rookies kicked off with a match between the Grave Rubbers and the Badlands Da'Baytin Sossayetty, both still fighting to stay in contention near the top of the table. The ever-intellectual orcs took every opportunity to stick the boot in but the Rubbers had strong counter-arguments, taking the game 2-0 despite finishing the match in an unseasonal blizzard.

No one will have been surprised by the outcome of the match between Kry Havoc and Chainsaw Buffet. Khorne's favourites ripped through the goblin armour like it was tissue paper, swimming through a wave of green blood and somehow finding the time amid the carnage to score three touchdowns.

Just as high-scoring, though slightly less brutal, was the match between I Balabiòtt and the Yorkshire Nobs. The Nobs had the best of it, running four touchdowns past the increasingly thinly-spread Norse to hold their spot in the middle of the table.

Top of the table White Mice faced the bottom of the table Immortulz Ol Boyz, and while the orcs took the lead initially they were unable to hold it against the speed of the gutter runners. The Skaven keep the top spot with only a few bruises picked up along the way.

It was chaos all around as the Sokol Slaughterers took on the Zharr-Naggrund Prophets, but in the end there wasn't much to show for it. One casualty apiece in the first half, and a single touchdown in the second half to give the Slaughterers the win.

Finally, the Bright Jugglers lined up in another howling blizzard against the Dark Delvers. The weather eventually cleared to blazing sunshine and the game stood at one apiece in the dying minutes. A heroic effort from Jugglers' thrower Amsel sent the ball within reach of the endzone, only for the catcher to fail to hold it. The Delvers sensed an opportunity and flung it back the other way, only to also fail with the sun in their eyes. It seemed like it was all over until a lucky bounce took the ball to a waiting lineman who managed to grab it. They ran it up the pitch and handed it off to a blitzer who took it home for the last gasp win. The Jugglers remain in second place, but that loss has made it much harder for them to catch the White Mice before the end of the season.

To Round Ten then, and the final matches for some of our Rookies. The Yorkshire Nobs are taking time off for a crochet workshop, while Grave Danger return from their break to visit the Chainsaw Buffet. Up at the top, the Grave Rubbers take on the White Mice and the Badlands Da'Baytin Sossayetty face the Bright Jugglers, all jostling for position. In the middle, the Sokol Slaughterers have the Stink 11s and the Dark Delvers host the Zharr-Naggrund Prophets, while at the bottom I Balabiòtt are travelling to Kry Havoc and the Immortulz Ol Boyz go to see the Jorvik Vikings.

Highs and lows in the Veteran division, with only one game actually making it to the pitch. That game was the face-off between the Buffalo Biles and the Badlandz Bruisaz, with the Biles hungry for revenge after losing to the orcs in their last meeting and aware that a win would seal the championship. Knowing they were facing determined opposition, the Bruisaz drafted in some star power, with Fungus the Loon wound up and ready to go in the first half. He smashed through the Biles' line as soon as the kick came down, knocking down bloaters with abandon, but their squishy resilience meant none were more than stunned and Fungus soon found himself surrounded and vulnerable. One punch from an angry goat was all it took and Fungus was out of the game.

With Fungus removed the Biles' defence was impenetrable and the Bruisaz were unable to get the ball even across the halfway line. Towards the end of the half the Biles sensed an opportunity and punched a hole for McCringleberry to run through in an attempt to steal the ball. Sadly, too many arms spoiled the pickup and the fumble was costly as McCringleberry was immediately punched in both faces and taken off the pitch insensible. Efforts to revive him at half-time proved fruitless, with smelling salts ineffective when used on someone used to the fragrance of the Biles' dressing room.

So to the second half, and the Biles showed signs of panic. With McCringleberry out of action the other goats had to remember how to pick up the ball, and that proved a difficult task. The Bruisaz had brought on Nobbla Blackwart, but after the Loon's swift removal they were less gung-ho about deploying his special talents. Once they had the ball the Biles grew more confident and pressed forward, taking every chance to trip Blackwart and make him drop his chainsaw on his own head, sending orcs to the hospital and finally running in the winning touchdown. The cheering from the crowd finally brought McCringleberry to his senses and he joined the rest of the team on the pitch to celebrate the win.

Papa Nurgle clearly doesn't like leaving anything to chance, however, and though the win gives the Biles an untouchable lead regardless He also ensured the Pink Panthers would have no chance of closing in if the match went a different way. The Amazons and their opponents, the Talabecland Thunder, were both struck down with a particularly nasty plague that left none of them fit to take to the pitch, and their match had to be resolved as a draw.

Elsewhere, Waldhof Middenheim have sadly been forced to retire from the league for health reasons. The players unanimously decided it was better for their long-term health if they never faced another block, and going by past history few can argue with that decision. They will be missed, and despite their poor record scores-wise and their many dead ogres, none will take the crown from Colenbrander for the most complete passes this season. Huanchi's Jungle Rumble take three points by default, though no doubt they would have preferred to take the field.

So the top and bottom of the table are both settled with one round to go. The Biles and the Panthers are guaranteed first and second, with their upcoming match little more than a spectacle for the fans. The Thunder and Middenheim are fixed at the bottom, with the Thunder guaranteed three points but too far behind to gain anything from them. The Bruisaz and the Rumble will scrap for the middle of the table, with the winner taking the bronze medal. The Bruisaz will face an uphill struggle there with several players out with injuries while the Rumble are all fresh as daisies following their unexpected time off.

Round Ten runs until the 25th August and closes the season for the Veterans and some of the Rookies. You could arrive to watch those final matches in style in a brand-new steam carriage from Alfa Gnomeo. Visit your nearest dealership to learn all about the great deals currently on offer!